Owning, and more importantly, operating a successful game store is akin to owning a popular Facebook page, or a cafe, I have found. If you are successful, it's because you have attracted a sufficient number of customers to maintain your business. And, in numbers comes diversity. With diversity comes, unfortunately, some people who are less empathetic, less understanding, less patient. Or less accepting. Sometimes, maybe it's the owner who is less than open minded…?
In 1988 I was a Staff Sergeant in the US Army, stationed at Fort Richardson, Alaska. I owned First Empire Games in the Muldoon Mall, and had been open for a couple years. It was then that I met my first transgender person (to be fair, I may have met many trans people before this, and not known it). She was a customer of mine. And, it was clear to me when she first walked in that there was something different about her. Her make-up, hair, dress--they were different. I am ashamed to admit that when she walked out of my store for the first time, I giggled behind her back. (God, I was such an ass.) But, she came back. Not often, but occasionally. I got to know her a little, and we became friendly. I sold that store abruptly in 1990, and moved back to my home town of Michigan. I didn't think of that customer for a few years.
Then, in 1994 I had a company called BC Hobby, and another customer caught my attention. Much in the same way, this young lady kind of stood out. Thankfully, I didn't giggle at her like an ass when she left the store. Instead, I tried my best to make her feel at ease. She came in the store often, and sometimes she didn't come in dressed female. I made no mention of recognizing her when she came in dressed male, just treated her the same and didn't call her by name. Frankly, I didn't know what to do, but I had maybe grown as a person by that point. Maybe being in the Army for 12 years had retarded my personal growth, but being in a diverse work place and a more diverse community, I had learned to just accept people as people.
Over the years I have had several other gay, lesbian, transgender or otherwise diverse customers. And, I hope I have become more knowledgeable in making all of my customers feel welcome. I want my store to be a safe place, a haven for my customers to come and enjoy their hobbies, and be accepted. I only try to exclude people if they are violent (have banned two customers for trying to physically assault others), vulgar (I tell people who curse too much to leave and come back when they find their manners), thieving (have banned people for theft, of course), or otherwise rude (I have banned two people for being nasty to female staffers). It doesn't interest me if you are gay, bi, pan, lesbian, trans, dem, rep, LDS or anything else, really. I am now rather famous in my group of friends for having no "gay-dar," having multiple times asked gay men if they might be interested in dating my daughter. My motto is "people are people, folks is folks."
I know this serves me well in my personal life. I have friends who are gay, trans, etc. I have family who are more comfortable around their cousin or Uncle Marcus than many of their other family because I just accept them as I find them. As I once explained to my father-in-law, a person's sexuality is not their defining characteristic. More important, in my mind, than gay or straight (or something else) is whether a person is kind or cruel. Good or bad, nice or mean, hardworking or lazy, honest or dishonest. Hell, tall or short, left-handed or right-handed; almost everything is more important than their sexuality when determining if I like, admire, or want to associate with someone. Innit?
I believe this mindset has done me a service as a business owner. When I hear kids say, "That's so gay," I ask them what they mean, and point out that this kind of talk hurts people, the same as if you say "Don't try to jew me" or other such, really, not mean, just unthoughtful speech. Nobody has ever said "Don't jew me" and meant it as anti-Semitic to me (though I am sure people have used it that way). I find this kind of talk is usually just the product of being careless with your words.
And, I try never to hurt someone's feelings by accident, and have tried to teach my kids, even my staff, this practice.
Anyway, Caitlyn Jenner has been a topic of discussion around the gaming table, around the counter, and around the internet this past week. I agree that the world has a great many problems with more need for addressing, more in need of attention, and less dire, than Bruce Jenner transitioning to being a woman, and becoming Caitlyn.
But I cannot imagine there is anything more important, more pressing, to Ms. Jenner. This is an enormous moment in her life. I won't even pretend to understand the struggle she has gone through, but I can imagine that it has been difficult. And, I applaud her bravery to burst out of her old life and begin anew.
I read something today where someone said, "Never in history has a woman been born with a penis." This just disappoints me. First, why would it matter to anyone if this person, this fragile little human being, wants to seek happiness in this manner? And, second, doesn't the person who wrote that sentence realize this is Caitlyn's right? "Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness?" Sound familiar? Life is not fair, that much nearly every adult knows. But, the constitution of the United States guarantees us that we can pursue our own happiness, so long as we (essentially) are not harming anyone else. And, Bruce becoming Caitlyn harms no-one.
At least that's my stance on the topic. Just like I accept my family, friends, customers, neighbors: I accept you, Caitlyn. Be happy.
You too, reader. Be happy. For your blessings in your life, for your good health, for the fun hobby you enjoy. Find happiness, be happy.
See you around the gaming table.
The opinions expressed in this column are solely those of the writer, and do not necessarily reflect the views of the editorial staff of ICv2.com.
