'I Think I Can Manage' is a weekly column by retailer Steven Bates, who runs Bookery Fantasy, a million dollar retail operation in Fairborn, Ohio.  This week, Bates goes into hyperdrive over the rumors that Star Wars TV shows, or even a Star Wars channel, are on the horizon:

 

A Star Wars TV series?!!?

 

Can anything be cooler than that?

 

Rumors abound, though no specifics are known.  Apparently Lucasfilm has confirmed there WILL be a Star Wars television series in 2006, but won't say if it will be live action or animated.  My guess?  George Lucas will hedge his bet, and offer fans both.  He's been putting together an animation studio in Singapore (probably kicking himself the whole time for selling Pixar to Steve Jobs a decade ago), so a cartoon series, CGI or otherwise, seems imminent.  But the appeal of a live action show, with more serious undertones and drama, is just too enticing to ignore.  There's even been talk of a Star Wars network.  But how do you fill a cable channel with Star Wars programming 24/7?

Listed below are a few possibilities Lucas and company might explore:

 

STAR FRIENDS:  Set on Tatooine prior to the events of Episode IV: A New Hope, this situation comedy focuses on the gang at Toshi Station, a cafe in Anchorhead where Luke Skywalker and pals gather to drink caffeinated beverages and talk about how boring their lives are, their dreams of getting off that dusty rock, and if Tusken Raiders are wearing anything under those robes.  In addition to whiner Luke, there's Deak and Windy, always playing the hutt-ball game in the back room; Camie, the rich girl slumming in Anchorhead after a bad break-up; Fixer, the lug with a heart of gold; and Biggs Darklighter, who breezes into town from the Academy now and then to flash his pearly whites and tweeze his manly mustache.

 

JEDI: CSI:  Qui-Gon Jinn and his padawan partner Obi-Wan Kenobi break down doors, bust heads, and crack genetic code solving crimes against the Republic.  Using the highest-tech equipment, they unravel the mysteries of midichlorians and deduce the identity of criminals daring to use deadly Force.  These Jedi Knights leave no stone unturned--of course, they merely need to wave their hands in the air for that.

 

JABBA'S FEAR FACTORY:  Contestants face off against their worst nightmares, whether that be a starving rancor monster, a bounty hunter with a thermal detonator, being frozen alive in a carbonite block, or walking the plank over a sarlacc pit.  Or try munching a live gorg, surviving a sonic shower, and serving drinks to swarthy aliens dressed as a slave girl.  Winners walk way with riches beyond imagining; losers . . . well, let's just say there's a non-negotiable release form everyone must sign before entering Jabba's Fear Factory.

 

THE ODD COUPLING:  One's fastidious, self-absorbed, perpetually whining, and so intellectual he has no common sense.  The other's rude, impatient, loud, and always barreling off before thinking.  Together, they make a perfect team.  Enjoy the antics of the galaxy's two unlikeliest companions as they jet from one adventure to another.  Oh, by the way... they're droids.

 

GUN-GUN'S ASTEROID:  NEVER put this Gungan in charge of navigating through an asteroid belt!  When Jar-Jar Binks crashes the Counselor ship on a deserted planetoid in the middle of nowhere, it could be a while before anyone finds the castaways.  But they'll just make due, as long as Jar-Jar doesn't accidentally blow up the planet!  With Jar-Jar Binks, Captain Panaka too; Boss Nass, and his wife; the Naboo queen; the Padawan, and handmaiden, are all there on Jar-Jar Bink's isle.

 

DARK APPRENTICE:  16 Sith compete for the chance to be the Emperor's right-hand man.  Only one will survive.  See these dark warriors get serious and get mauled as they claw their way to the top, invading the territory of their rivals (and sometimes their minds), hoping the Emperor doesn't find their lack of faith TOO disturbing.  There can be only one Master and Apprentice.  As for the rest--they're fried (literally).

 

ANTIQUE DROID SHOW:  Travel the Jundland Wastes with the Jawas, inching their Sandcrawler from settlement to settlement, checking out the droids, bots, borgs, and AI from way-back-when.  Moisture vaporator farmers just might have a gold-mine in that old mechanical farmhand (assuming, of course, it's not got a bad motivator).

 

RUN 66:  Han Solo and his pal Chewie cruise the highways and byways of the galaxy in their hopped-up Corellian freighter, the Millennium Falcon.  Braving the rough cosmic terrain of 'Run 66' (a.k.a. the Kessel Run) Han and Chewie are determined to fly it in the shortest possible distance--less than 12 parsecs, if they're good enough.  And if they avoid any . . . Imperial  . . . entanglements.

 

TRADING SPECIES:  Bib Fortuna and a pair of menacing Gamorrean guards forcibly swap slaves each week between clients, then sit back to observe how their switcheroo creates chaos and havoc in the lives of the species they torment.  See how a Twi'lek fares in a Tatooine dungeon--will she dance her way into her new owner's slimy heart, or wind up as rancor chow?

 

TATOOINE GOURMET:  Check what's cooking in Aunt Beru's kitchen.  From blue milk to mutant asparagus, Beru's got a recipe for nearly everything.  Wait until you get a look at her barbecue... mmmm, smokin'!

 

THE KENOBI SHOW:  Ben Kenobi hosts this day-time talk show exposing the seedier side of the Star Wars universe.  On the first show, farm-boy Luke confesses his love for his unattainable ideal, Princess Leia.  But what will crush him more, that she's infatuated with his best friend Han, or that she just may be his sister?  And will he be able to hold it together when he finds out his father is the biggest baddest villain in all the galaxies?

 

These are just a few ideas George Lucas is free to use on his new Star Wars cable channel, if it ever gets up and running.  All I ask is for one each of the action figures!